Leaving Before Getting Started

It was a Sunday night when my host family and I were listening to the President of South Africa speak about this terrible tragedy that the world was going through. As I was listening, I couldn't believe what I was listening to. We weren't quit sure what this all meant for us trainees but we had a feeling that we were going to be sent home within the next couple weeks.

Monday morning around 4 o'clock, I woke up to an email from the Country Director. Peace Corps was sending all volunteers and trainees home to the U.S. I instantly called my mom crying. I couldn't believe that we were being sent home so soon. Although we only spent almost three months in country, my heart was so heavy. I couldn't believe that the thing that I had been waiting for my whole life was taken right from me. I quickly came to my senses and reminded myself that I wasn’t the only one that was suffering from a dream being taken from them at this time. There were many students that were supposed to graduate this spring, many athletes that could not start or finish their seasons, many people that were losing their jobs, and many people that already lost a loved one or close friend. I also had much empathy for the Volunteers that had been in country a lot longer than I had been. Most of them were starting projects, in the middle of projects, and planning for future projects. I could only imagine the pain that they were going to experience while saying bye to the communities that they had been in for 8 months to 2 years. Saying goodbye and packing things in only a matter of 3 days was exhausting and a huge task. The Peace Corps staff was working very diligently to get information signed and completed in order to send all 7,000+ Volunteers home (the first in history btw).

What hurt the most about this was that the trainees of SA41 worked so hard to get through training just for our worlds to be flipped. Some of us prepared 6-7 months to make this transition in our lives, all for it to be taken away in a matter of 3 months. Our lives changed drastically 2-3 times in a matter of 3 months. We were working so hard to pass our language proficiency tests, to pass certain criteria for swearing-in, and learning more about the culture so that we could become the best Health Volunteers that we could be. Some of us went through mental breakthroughs and broke boundaries that we would have never broke if we did not live in that environment. Although I felt pain and sadness, I felt more pain for the communities that were being left behind.

The first thing that I thought about when getting the message of being sent home was the situation that South Africa was going to be in. I sat and wondered about how their healthcare professionals were going to overcome this pandemic? How were they going to take action against the millions of South Africans that have an underlying illness that would put them more at risk? What about the rural areas that do not have access to healthcare, and if they do, it is very far and expensive. With South Africa having the highest rate of HIV/AIDS, I struggled to leave being a Health Volunteer. I knew that I was not qualified to do much but spread information. At that time, SA did not have as many cases as America did and we all thought it would have been insane if they sent us home. We thought that there was no way that they would put us in that predicament. We were going to travel through multiple airports where many people would be. Who knew if any of those people were also infected. As I talked to one of my cohort members that was a previous PCV, we thought that we would have been a lot safer in the rural village where not a lot of traffic was going in or out. We thought that maybe PC would keep us there until it all passed. Soon enough, the virus was spreading faster and we were being sent home.

Tuesday morning was a whirlwind of thoughts and panicking from us trainees. We had many questions surrounding what the future would look like for us with Peace Corps. We also had many questions about what was going to happen once we returned to the US. We all left behind jobs, families, friends, and other responsibilities. Now, we would come back to a broken economy and having to self-isolate ourselves from the people that we missed the most. How were we to look for jobs when everybody was being laid off? We weren't sure when our site would be opened back up for volunteers again. This uncertainty was hard to come by.

I have been home for two weeks now and my heart is still heavy. I scroll through pictures and videos and reminisce on what could have been. I miss my host family and village. Despite the fact that I could not finish what I started, I am still very grateful for the opportunity to be sent into a rural area and learn a language/culture that I had previously never known about. I am grateful for the friendships that I made during my three months in country. I am grateful for learning a whole new way of life and living. I am grateful for the loving families that accepted me and others into their communities. I am grateful for the staff that worked very hard way before we arrived and the endless hours that were put into working with us through training. Lastly, I am grateful to have been a part of an organization that allows this type of work being done.

Until next time South Africa. ❤

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